Monday, December 20, 2010

Political Humor for a Happy Holiday Season

Life is serious business. But if you can’t laugh your way through, it isn’t worth going through the serious stuff. Me, 2010.

Just a little right-wing holiday humor. If you have similar humor, right or left-wing, send it to me, and I will send another posting to include it. Please, nothing personal and no name calling.

My wife is making gravy for our turkey on Christmas.

She asks, “Would you please go to the store and get me four turkey wings for the gravy?” I asked her if she wanted left wings or right wings.

“Why does it make a difference?” she queries.

“Well, left wings may very well taste better, but right wings will work better.”

We decided to get three right wings and throw one left wing in for the heck of it.


When you travel to Granny’s for Christmas this year, drive on the right side of the road. The left side may be more exciting, but you are less likely to reach your destination.


When you are watching the football on the tube, cheer for the team moving the ball from left to right on your screen. Especially if you don’t like football. It’ll give you something to cheer about and keep your mind occupied so you don’t fall asleep from eating all that food.


This is fun, but only do this on Christmas.

Pretend you are a liberal. You can dream all day about how things are going to be wonderful, all 300M+ people in the country are going to be wealthy, every team is going to win the super bowl, and you can eat anything you want without getting sick or fat. It’s much more fun than being a conservative.

Another great thing about this is that you can talk politics with anyone if they are doing the same thing and there won’t be any arguments. (By the way, this only works by everyone being liberal because anyone can act like a liberal; all you have to do is say nice things. It doesn’t work the other way as liberals have a hard time acting like a conservative because they don’t understand how reality actually works, so they can't talk the talk.) Warning - only do this on Christmas, when you aren’t working or doing anything important. As soon as you must get back to the real world, you need to come back to your senses.

And if you tell any of your friends about this fun exercise, make sure you check in with them on the 26th, because saying nice, wishful things is fun and can get addictive, but they have to come back to reality as well.


Put the food that is good for you on the right side of the plate where it is closer to the fork in hand. That way, it will be easier to eat what you should eat on the right, and when you get through the tough stuff, you can eat the fun stuff on the left.

Correspondingly, the food on the left is in proper position for being left overs if you don’t get to it. Left overs are hot and aromatic on the original presentation, but the next day they are cold and imbalanced, and the presentation doesn’t look so good anymore.

Actually, some left overs can be quite good. But, unfortunately, they usually have run out of gravy. If you are sneaking out to the kitchen late Christmas night it will be really good, because, remember, you are still thinking like a liberal and you can pretend it is whatever you want it to be.

Mercer Tyson

No comments:

Post a Comment